


Tiger Milk

by Bandersnap



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man (Tom Holland Movies)
Genre: Harley Keener & Peter Parker are Siblings, Harley Keener is Tony Stark's Biological Child, Omorashi, Peter Parker is Tony Stark's Biological Child, Peter Parker needs to Pee
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-03
Updated: 2020-05-03
Packaged: 2021-03-01 17:47:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,818
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23981041
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bandersnap/pseuds/Bandersnap
Summary: The plumbing at Peter's school gets shut off when the fountains start spraying white water.
Relationships: Harley Keener & Tony Stark, Harley Keener and Peter Parker, Ned Leeds & Peter Parker, Peter Parker & Tony Stark
Comments: 14
Kudos: 94





	Tiger Milk

Peter and Ned were walking down the hall to their next class. They made a quick pit stop at the water fountains. Ned presses the button on the fountain and examined the water before drinking it. The school had previous issues with the water and sure enough, it was white. “Looks like they’re serving us tiger milk again,” he said. The students started calling it that because it looked like milk when they put it in their clear water bottles and their mascot was a tiger. No one really knew the cause of the discoloration, but everyone could agree that it probably wasn’t safe to drink. 

“Yeah, this is a lawsuit waiting to happen. That can’t be consumable” Peter pulled out his giant water bottle and took a gulp. “That’s why I always have my hydroflasksksk.”

Ned starred blankly at Peter. “I have not heard anyone say that in at least a month. What is wrong with you?”

Peter chuckled. “It’s not like I’m actually a VSCO girl. I don’t even a shell necklace,” he said as they started walking to their next class. 

Ned was not convinced. “You’re literally wearing a scrunchie and don’t try to tell me it’s MJ’s. You know damn well she would never wear anything in the shade of bubble gum.”

“Okay fine. It’s not hers,” Peter admitted, “but she did give it to me. It’s the accessory I didn’t know I needed.” 

The boys walked over to their lab station to start prepping their titration. Before they could continue their conversation, the bell rang and the office lady’s voice came through the speaker. It was deep and raspy. She was definitely a smoker. “Please excuse the interruption. All plumbing will be shut off for maintenance. Please refrain from using all restrooms, fountains, showers, and hoses after 3:00 pm.” This was no surprise to anyone. The water always had to be shut of when it ran white. Nothing new there. 

Halfway through class, all of the water peter drank beforehand was making itself known again. Peter walked over to his teacher to ask if he could use the bathroom. This was kind of a big deal for him. This particular teacher was scary as hell. One time he accidentally broke a beaker and she went off on him about lab safety from the other side of the room. He ended up crying in the bathroom and going home early despite only having 45 minutes left in the school day. Even MJ was a little off put by her. 

After Peter asked to go to the bathroom, the teacher denied his request. Her reason was that they needed to finish the lab before the water was cut off. Peter didn’t like that because he also needed to pee before the water was cut off, but he didn’t dare argue with his teacher. He just stiffly walked back to his lab station and tried to finish his lab as fast as possible. 

Ned watched Peter turn the burette to open it more, allowing a lot of base to flow into their Erlenmeyer flask. The solution was turning bright purple. “Peter, if you don’t slow down you’re going to add too much and we’re going to miss the equivalence point and have to start over.”

Ned was right. He was rushing the lab too much and if they had to start over he would definitely not have enough time to go to the bathroom. Peter continued titrating slowly so that they only had to do it once. It might have been a little too slowly because it was already 2:58 by the time they were done. Then it was 3:03 after they cleaned up their lab station. Peter groaned. He was going to have to wait until he got home to use the bathroom and they still had 27 minutes of school left. 

As soon as the dismissal bell rang, Peter was out of the classroom. He practically sprinted to Harley’s car. Harley was already there because his last class was right by the parking lot. Peter jumped into to the front seat. “Harley, start driving right now!” Peter almost yelled. 

Harley quickly backed out of his spot and didn’t ask questions until they were out of the parking lot. “Why are you in such a rush? Usually you stroll up to my car like ten minutes after school has ended.”

“I have to pee so bad.” Peter whined. 

“Oh right. I forgot that they shut the water off.” Harley then noticed Peter fidgeting in his seat like a mad man and picked up the speed to avoid a crisis. 

After five minutes of nail biting, Peter complained again. “Harley! Drive faster or I’m going to explode!” He was on the verge of wetting his pants in the passenger seat of his brother’s Audi. It was 3:37 pm and he hadn’t been to the bathroom since they left the house at 8 that morning. 

“I’m already going ten over. If I get a ticket, dad is going to kill me,” Harley said while trying to remain calm for his brother’s sake. He felt bad for Peter, but at the same time he knew that if he got a ticket his dad would flip out. Tony didn’t trust Harley’s driving skills at all. He knew how teen drivers were, careless and distracted easily. Harley tried to explain to Tony that he was a good driver, but Tony didn’t want to hear it. Getting a ticket would be proving his dad right. 

As if on cue, sirens started blaring behind the car. “Oh my god we’re in trouble,” Peter said. Spider-Man wasn’t scared of cops, but Peter parker was. They made him nervous. Most things made Peter nervous as a civilian. He hated feeling vulnerable. 

Harley turned on his hazard lights and pulled over. He then rolled down the window and looked the cop straight in the eyes while grinning. “Hello officer.” He was so confident and chill that it somehow made Peter more anxious. 

“License and registration please.” The officer had a heavy southern accent and Harley almost laughed when he heard it. He reached beside him to get his license out of his wallet. 

“Do you know who I am?” Harley said once the officer came back with his license. He was trying to use his status to speed things up. He should’ve known that cops hate that. Peter wanted to tell Harley to shut up, but he was too scared to speak. 

“I do indeed. I just ran your license.” The officer wasn’t budging. 

“You see, we have a time sensitive issue and we would appreciate it if you let me off with a warning.” Harley gestured to peter who was holding himself. 

The officer could not care less. “I checked your records and even though this is your first offence, I still have to give you a ticket.”

Shit. Their dad was going to be so pissed. 

Once the traffic stop was complete, Harley began driving home again, but he was only going five miles over the speed limit this time. 

“I’m not gonna make it all the way home.” Peter was actually about to cry and his boxers were already a little damp.

“You’ll be fine.” Harley didn’t actually think that but had to at least pretend he did. He could tell Peter was nearing the end of his rope. Harley pulled into the garage of their suburban home. It was closer to their school than the tower was. He hadn’t even put the car in park yet and Peter was already opening his door. 

Tony was sitting on the couch when he heard the door bust open. He looked behind him to find Peter sprinting through the house. “Peter, why are you running?”

“I can’t hold it anymore!” Peter did not stop running as he responded and slammed the bathroom door shut as soon as he was in it. The toilet seat was already up. One of the perks of living with mostly dudes. He peed for a solid minute and it felt heavenly. 

“What’s with him?” Tony asked when Harley walked through the door seconds later.

“He had to pee really bad because they cut the plumbing off at our school.” Harley explained while he got a bag of chips from the pantry. 

When Peter emerged from the bathroom he collapsed on the couch and laid his head on his dad’s lap. “That was intense.”

“Yeah, you’re face is bright red.” Harley chimed in, causing Peter’s face to turn even redder from embarrassment. 

Tony started playing with Peter’s hair to keep him from attacking Harley for the comment. “Well I’m glad you made it okay.”

“On a somewhat related note, I have a speeding ticket,” Harley said nonchalantly. He shoved some more chips in his mouth and tried to downplay the situation. He could feel the lecture coming.

Tony stopped playing with Peter’s hair and focused his attention on his other son. “Harley, are you kidding me?” Tony said in his stern dad voice.

Harley was quick to make an excuse at his brother’s expense. “It’s not entirely my fault. Peter was about to pee in my car.”

Peter immediately got defensive. “Don’t blame it on me, shit head! You were the one driving and I didn’t anticipate the water being shut off!”

“You literally yelled at me to drive faster!”

“None of this would have happened if the school could get their tiger milk issue under control!” Peter was practically steaming. How dare Harley try to pin the speeding ticket on him. 

Tony scrunched up his nose. “What is tiger milk?” he asked. The image of people milking tigers like they were cows was now in his head. Tits. 

“It’s what we call the water when the plumbing gets screwed up. It happens way too often.” Peter Explained. 

“One time I filled up my water bottle with some and left it there for a day and it smelled like straight chlorine. It tasted like dirt though.” Harley added. 

“I noticed that too, except it tasted like skittle water when I drank it.” Suddenly Peter wasn’t feeling even slightly angry. 

“This is the kind of thing that makes me question how you two have survived this long. Neither of you have any decision making skills. What possessed you to drink the breast milk?”

Peter cringed. “Dad it’s not breast milk. I would know because-“

“-Peter!” Harley interrupted. The end of that story did not need to be shared with their dad. 

Tony’s expression was somewhere between concerned, confused, and disgusted. “I’ll be having a chat with your school.” Tony did not end up calling the school. The events of the day were forgotten after Peter suggested watching a movie and they all fell asleep on the couch. The fountains were spraying white milk again within a week.

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first time posting a fic. I've thought about doing it for a while and I finally did it since I'm bored in the house and in the house bored. Please comment so that I feel less anxious about this.


End file.
